In Memoriam: Bernard O'Brien

Born in Boston in 1931, Dr. O’Brien was primarily raised by a working mother, grandmother, and sister in a Roxbury apartment; his father, a streetcar operator, was bedridden. He started bagging and delivering groceries in the fourth grade to help feed the family and he earned scholarships to attend Catholic schools, where he played baseball and hockey.

He enlisted in the Army as a medic during the Korean War and credited the GI Bill, along with many hours working as a waiter on catering jobs, for earning enough money to attend Boston College. Dr. O’Brien later received a master’s degree in clinical psychology and a doctorate in counseling psychology from The Catholic University of America in Washington, D.C. He joined the University in what was then the School of Education in 1967.

Dr. O’Brien was named chair of the SOE counseling psychology department in 1983 but was best known for his passion for teaching and helping students. A lifelong champion of the power of a college education to lift individuals such as himself out of challenging economic circumstances, he took great pleasure in awarding scholarships to students admitted to his graduate program.

In the mid-1980s, Dr. O’Brien served on The Goals for the Nineties University Planning Council, which contributed to BC’s self-study for reaccreditation.  

“Bernie’s first love was teaching,” said longtime friend, graduate school classmate, and collaborator Richard A. Mackey, a professor emeritus in the BC School of Social Work. “Due to some health issues during the latter part of his career, I filled in for him, teaching his undergraduate class in counseling theories. Despite his challenges, he showed up for the final exam, and as the students completed the test and departed, he spoke to each one individually, clearly demonstrating that he knew them personally. That’s just the way he was.”  

Dr. O’Brien and Mackey co-authored two books on enduring relationships: Lasting Marriages: Men and Women (1995) and Gay and Lesbian Couples: Voices from Lasting Relationships (1998); Mackey’s wife Eileen also was a co-author of the latter book.  

In Lasting Marriages, the authors presented statistical findings but also included excerpts from interviews with long-time couples on major themes such as initial attraction, conflict, and decision-making to provide a human-centered presentation: One man trying to convey what his marriage of 25 years meant to him talked about “a growing together…like a tree around a boulder underneath the ground. The root eventually goes around it.”

“We were struck by the complementary relationship of the couples,” said Dr. O’Brien in a 1995 Boston College Chronicle interview. “One of the issues in marriage today is how couples can learn to deal with roles and expectations. The couples we studied have developed the skills and it was not always easy to work out these areas of their life together.”

Similarly, Gay and Lesbian Couples relied more on the qualitative aspects of same-sex marriage discussed by their interviewees: issues such as intimacy, roles, and relational fit. The couples spoke of joys and stresses, including conflicts over money, family and, in particular, public disclosure of the relationships.

“There were certainly some issues more unique to same-sex couples, but they also discussed things that would be familiar to anyone in a long-term relationship,” Dr. O’Brien told Chronicle in 1998. “When you come down to it, relationships are relationships. They take work, they involve compromise and bargaining, and can reveal a lot about who we are.”

Dr. O’Brien retired from the University in 1999.

In 2001, Dr. O’Brien was honored with BC’s Martin Luther King Jr. Community Service Award, presented to individuals who best exemplify the spirit of the slain civil rights leader’s dream of social justice and equality, and his message of public service.

“Bernie was a wonderful and delightful colleague and a beloved mentor to our students,” said Lynch School Professor Emerita Mary Walsh, executive director of City Connects and senior fellow of the Mary E. Walsh Center for Thriving Children. “He both practiced and taught the essence of cura personalis long before it became part of our day-to-day lexicon. He was very committed to articulating the relationship between the Catholic faith and psychology, and to the end of his long life, lived in hope.”  

In addition to his wife, Evelyn (Villa), he is survived by his daughters Catherine Strong of Chevy Chase, and Mary O’Brien of Newtown Square, Pa.; grandchildren Ian, Nick, Cayla, Ari and Kate, and a great-grandchild, Lydia; and his brother, Robert. He was predeceased by his sister, Winifred Rome.