How to Help a Friend Going Through a Hard Time

If one of your friends is trying to cope with the death of a loved one or a disaster, you may be wondering what you can do to help them.  You may feel completely at a loss and do not have any ideas on what you can do to make your friend feel better.  Here are some ideas:

• Be There: By simply being there to listen to your friend or to be a shoulder to cry on, you will make your friend’s grieving experiences a lot easier.  Many people worry too much about what to say to someone who is hurting.  You need to realize that your friend just needs to know that he/she still has people to love and support him/her.  In most cases, no amount of words will be able to make him/her feel better.  Instead, just simply tell your friend that you are sorry for his/her loss and that you are there for him/her to help in any way possible.  After doing this, just sit with your friend and listen to what he/she wants to say.  Chances are that he/she has many things on his/her mind that he/she will want to share.
• Don’t Talk Unless You are Invited to: A study that looks at how teens cope with the death of a loved one found that one of the things that slows down a teen’s grieving process is friends and family talking about his loss before he is ready.  One teen that participated in the study said, “My father also hindered my coping because he wanted to talk about the thing when I didn’t want to, and he talked, too [long]” (Rask et al 140).  Instead of trying to make your friend feel better through words, simply acknowledge that you know he/she is going through a difficult time and let your friend know that when he/she is ready to talk you will be glad to do so.  You do not need to say anything more about your friend’s loss.  Instead, focus on responding to what your friend wants and caring for him/her.
• Show You Care: Does your friend have a favorite food you could prepare for him/her?  Is there a movie or television show you can watch with your friend?  Does your friend have a favorite type of flower?  Showing that you care does not need to be a large and elaborate ordeal.  There are many small ways you can show that you care.  Just calling your friend and checking up on him/her to see if there is anything that he/she needs is a good way to show that you care.  Also, attending grievance ceremonies for your friend’s loved one is a great way to support him/her when he/she needs you the most.