Stress in Relationships

Have you fought with a friend in the last few weeks?  Argued with your boyfriend or girlfriend?  Clashed with a parent?  Chances are, the answer is “yes” to at least one of these questions!  As teenagers, you know from everyday experience that a great source of stress in your life revolves around relationships: relationships with friends, with family, with significant others.  The bonds created with other people during adolescence can undoubtedly be and very often are a great source of joy: a first experience of true love is exhilarating; lasting friendships add both fun and support to middle and high school years; and, when relations with parents are running smoothly, you can appreciate the adults in your life and even see them as models to which to aspire. 

Naturally, however, every situation has a flipside, and these relationships that can so drastically affect life for the better can also be a prime source of stress when any or all aspects of the relationship appear to be falling apart.  Screaming matches with parents over something as minor as cleaning up after oneself, disagreements with close friends over something as simple as weekend plans or as weighty as drunk driving, and rejection by a boyfriend or girlfriend are all difficult experiences, both physically and emotionally. 

The stress associated with such glitches in your relationships can easily lead to sleeping and eating difficulties, chronic headaches, and dissatisfaction with the very things that usually make you most happy; in short, the symptoms that characterize depression when they last for an extended period of time.  Researchers have, in fact, even suggested that “many of the interpersonal stresses that might have an impact on adolescents are common, everyday occurrences rather than major events” (Compas & Wagner, 1990).  That is, adolescents may experience as much stress in facing such everyday occurrences as disagreements with parents, friends, or boyfriends or girlfriends as they would if faced with major, infrequent events such as being turned down for membership in an organization, starting a new intimate relationship, etc.”  This proposal sheds light on just how much sway relationships hold in an adolescent’s life. 

Fortunately, there are numerous simple and effective strategies to counteract and, to some degree, prevent the stress that accompanies relationships.  Above all, remember that even the healthiest relationship hits its rough patches, that a host of resources exist to assist you in handling the stress arising from any of the troubles cited above, and that deep bonds with the people you love are worth the effort they so require.

But what if I can’t handle the stress of a relationship alone?
Just what makes my relationships so stressful in adolescence?
What can I do to handle the stress that comes with relationships?
Can I prevent the stress before it even happens?
What if the problem can’t be fixed?

Relationship Recap!

Clearly, relationships are vital in your life as an adolescent.  Thanks to the influence of peers and significant others, your social network rapidly expands during the teenage years, and the parents who have always been your key nurturers might fall into more of a background role yet still remain pivotal fixtures in your life.  When a relationship is going well, there is no better feeling: just ask a teenage girl who is close to her single mother and able to share secrets and concerns with her; ask a group of friends who share similar interests and are able to shed the burdens of a school week during a weekend outing; ask a boy who suddenly has a girlfriend who really appreciates him for who he is.  These are the best natural highs that exist during adolescence. 

But that only increases the stress when things go wrong: if you have to fight with a drunk friend over the car keys, scream at your parents because they don’t seem to understand that your room is your private space, or argue with a boy/girlfriend over his/her close relationship with an opposite-sex peer, physical and emotional consequences quickly result.  During such times, remember that healthy relationships will always hit their rough patches and that a variety of methods, detailed throughout this section, can assist you in handling and preventing relationship-induced stress. 

Remember that if the stress that comes from a relationship is a result not of normal fights but of something as grave as the separation of your parents or physical, emotional, or sexual abuse by a family member or peer, you have a right to seek help and therapy, and various channels exist to help you do so.  But, first and foremost, remember that it is natural for adolescents to have minor troubles in relationships as they work through the maturation process, and that as stressful and trying as they can sometimes be, strong relationships are the greatest asset of any adolescent.