Salt & Light Retreat Resource Manual
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Banana Bandann
Two foreign guys (Italian, Norwegian, etc.) stand in front of the stage.  Their English teacher stands in front and to the side of them.  She begins to brag about how their English has really improved.  To demonstrate, she says to the audience that they have learned to new words, “bandanna” (the two men pull out a banana) and “banana” (the men pull out bandannas). “First we will start with the banana,” the teacher continues.  The two guys pull out the bandanna.  The she states all the things you can do with a banana: peel it, take a bite of it, slice it into your cereal, etc.  As the teacher narrates these things the guys act this out with the bandannas.  The she says, “Now they will demonstrate their knowledge about the word “bandanna”.  The two guys pull out the banana.  The teacher states all the things you can do with a bandanna:  put it in your back pocket, blow your nose with it, tie it around your head, tuck it in your shirt to keep the food off your clothes, and to wipe each other’s faces with.  The guys act these things out and make a mess, especially smashing the banana in each other’s faces.  The teacher notices the mess and yells at them, while they look back at her stupidly.  She apologizes to the crowd and exits off.
The Bat Skit
Props:
• Batman mask and Robin mask
• black tights and green tights
• flash light
• a cardboard cutout of a Bat symbol (use the one above)
PART ONE
[OPEN: Mayor sitting behind desk with “Mayor” sign on desk, doing mayor-like stuff]
[In rushes villain, Big Foot alias Sasquatch. He snatches up the mayor and runs out the door]
Mayor (screaming): “Agony! Agony!”
[Lights go out]
[The Batsignal (flashlight aimed at Bat symbol cutout) gleams in the distance]
[The lights come on and the Police Commissioner is holding the flash light]
(A great touch we added was to get the actual Chief of Police of our town to play the part. It added that special “guest appearance” touch)
[Batman and Robin rush in all hero-like]
Batman: “What is it, Commissioner?”
Commissioner: “Batman! It’s horrible! The mayor has been mayor-napped by some horrible villain!”
Robin: “Holy missing mayors Batman!”
B: “Did you find any clues Commissioner?”
C: “Only this piece of hair.”
R: “Holy hair balls Batman!”
(there is humor in repetition so try to set this line as one the crowd will know
every week and repeat with Batman)
C: “Batman, don’t you get cold wearing those skimpy tights?”
B: “Naturally you didn’t know I was wearing my special Thermal Bat Long Underwear!”
C: “Oh ... right.”
B: “Robin! We’
R: “Right Batman!”
B: “To the Ba... Do you have the keys, Robin?”
R: “Holy locksmith Batman! I thought you had them in your Bat Key Pouch next to your Bat-a-rang, Bat Beeper, Bat Cell Phone, and your Bat Oakley Pouch.”
B: “They’re not here!”
R: “They must have fallen out on the way in.”
B: “WE MUST FIND THE BAT KEYS!”
R: “Right Batman!”
B: “Let’s GO!”
Announcer (who is unseen): “Will the dynamic duo find out who kidnapped the mayor? Will they ever find the keys to the Batmobile? Will [Club kid] finally [action]? Tune in next week: Same Bat time, same Bat channel!”
Doctor’s Office
Characters:  Secretary, Jack Hammer, Sneezing, Itching, Twitching, Hemorrhoids, Pregnant.  
Plot:  Have a chair sitting by itself and have two chairs about 20 feet away from the single one.  The single chair is for the secretary and the other two are for the waiting room.  The secretary is sitting in the single chair.  Jack Hammer enters the office.  He states, “I am here for my physical, but I am in perfect physical condition.”  The secretary tells him to have a seat in the waiting room.  Jack sits down and waits to see the doctor.  Sneezing walks in sneezing and tells the secretary that she is her for her sneeze.  The secretary tells her that doctor would be right with her and to wait next to Jack Hammer.  Jack tells sneezing that he is in perfect physical condition and asks her what’s the matter.  At the same time Jack starts sneezing and the person gets better.  She says, “I was in for sneezing, but I guess I am alright now.”  With that, sneezing cancels her appointment with the secretary, leaving Jack all alone sneezing.  (I am sure with the rest of the characters you can tell what happens.  Jack Hammer builds up all of these traits.  So at the end he is sneezing, itching, twitching, and hemorrhoids.  You really need a boy that is outgoing and not afraid to make a fool out of himself) .  Itching walks in itching and tells the secretary that she is her for her itch.  The secretary tells her that doctor would be right with her and to wait next to Jack Hammer.  Jack, still sneezing, tells itching that he is in perfect physical condition and asks her what’s the matter.  At the same time Jack starts itching.  So now he is sneezing and itching and the other person gets better.  She says, “I was in for itching, but I guess I am alright now.”  With that, itching cancels her appointment with the secretary, leaving Jack all alone sneezing and itching.  Twitching walks in twitching and tells the secretary that she is her for her twitch.  The secretary tells her that doctor would be right with her and to wait next to Jack Hammer.  Jack, still sneezing and itching, tells twitching that he is in perfect physical condition and asks her what’s the matter.  At the same time Jack starts twitching.  So now he is sneezing, itching, and twitching and the other person gets better.  She says, “I was in for twitching, but I guess I am alright now.”  With that, twitching cancels her appointment with the secretary, leaving Jack all alone sneezing, itching, and twitching.  Then here comes Hemorrhoids.  The secretary asks him what’s the matter and he whispers hemorrhoids, so the audience could here.  Then he walks into where Jack is twitching, itching, and sneezing in his chair.  Before Hemorrhoids sits down, Jack states that he is in perfect physical condition and asks what’s the matter.  The person sits down and says hemorrhoids at the same time.  He then wiggles his butt in his chair making like he is alright in his chair.  Once the person says hemorrhoids, Jack jumps out of his chair and rolls on the ground with hemorrhoids, while still sneezing, itching, and twitching.  Then hemorrhoids gets up from out of his chair and checks out with the secretary.  Finally, Pregnant walks in and Jack sees her and runs out of the Doctor’s office screaming.         
I’ve Been a Shotta
 
Characters: Director, Mama, Son, Killer, Doctor  
Plot:  The director goes up front and says that he has written a play and brought his best Italian actors and actress with him to perform the play for the audience.  The actors and the actresses come out front trying to get the people to applaud or thanking them constantly with their high egos.  The director says,  “Places!  I’ve a been a shotta. Take one.”  (The A’s are important, since this is a play performed by Italian actors)  The first time through the actors show no emotion.  The mama is the only one on stage.  The rest of the actors are off stage.  Make sure the killer is on the opposite side of the sonna.  The mama says, “I am the mama and  I am a makin a pasta for my sonna.  My sonna loves a mama’s pasta.”  The son enters.  The son says, “Hello Mama.  You are a makin a pasta for your a sonna.”  The son tastes the mama’s pasta.  Then replies, “I love a mama’s pasta.”  The killer now enters and says, “I’ve a come a to kill a your sonna.”  Then shoots the son.  “Banga banga.”  The son then falls and says, “I’ve a been a shotta. Squirta squirta (as he puts his hands over his heart, making like blood is coming out of  him.”  Then the killer exits.  The mama (remember no emotion the first time through) calls the doctor.  “Ringa, ringa”  The mama states, “Come a quick a, my sonna has a been a shotta.”  The doctor replies, “I’ll be right over a.”  The doctor knocks on the door, “Knocka, knocka.”  The doctor enters.  The doctor states, “Your sonna has a been a shotta.”  At this point the director has had enough of this non emotional stuff.  He claims the mama should be sad because her son is dead, the doctor should be sad because she/he did not make it on time.  Then he calls for lots of emotion.  (e.g.  The killer hugs the son before he shoots him and the sonna thanks the killer for shooting him, Mama and the doctor are overjoyed that the son is dead,  and do not forget the son to be overjoyed that he has been shot.) Then states, “Places.  I’ve a been a shotta take two.”  The director calls cut at the same spot as before.  The time the play has been sold and he can see why.  There are many options for this third and final take.  You can be sold to Japan and act like a Japanese movie.  You could also be sold to a ballet company and perform it as a ballet with the actors and actress leaping and spinning around.  You can change the emotions to your liking (loud, soft, etc.)  I have found that these work the best.  The director calls cut at the same spot as before and asks for a round of applause from the audience.
Movie Theater Skit  
 
Characters: a young couple, an old woman, a girl, a wimpy guy, a tough guy
Scene: a row in a movie theater
The scene opens up with the muscle man to the far right, next the wimpy guy, then the girl, and finally the old woman.  Empty seats should be placed at both ends of the row.  The young couple walks in and realizes they will have to sit apart from one another.  Everyone else should be acting like they are watching the movie already.  The boyfriend sits next to the old woman and the girlfriends sits next to muscle man.  They look at each other down the row and wave and smile.  Then the boyfriend decides to ask his girlfriend if she wants some soda.  Everyone shhhes him, so he passes the soda down through the old woman.  She passes it down, until the soda gets to the girlfriend.  The same sequence occurs with the popcorn, arm around the shoulder, holding hands, and finally a kiss.  The idea is that each person should act out their character.  The old woman likes the attention from the young stud.  The girl is negligible and can act out any personality.  The wimpy guy gets psyched, but embarrassed by the girl’s interaction with him.  But he is frightened to pass everything onto the muscle man, especially the kiss.  The tough guy reacts violently to the wimps advances.  At the end, after the tough guy kisses the girlfriend, she slaps him in the face and storms off.  He turns and passes the slap down and walks off, until it reaches the boyfriend.  He then stands up and says in exasperation “Women 
Mystery Dream Date Connection
The set is arranged just like the old Dating Game, where the three contestants can't see the
mystery date. Johnny Ferrarri doesn't come out until he is announced. Then, Johnny intros the mystery guy and then the 3 girl contestants.  
Announcer: (Music starts) Love Romance Commitment... Three special words that you won't hear during this edition of, "The Mystery Dream Date Connection". (Applause) Tonight one of our three lucky ladies will win an all expense paid trip for two to beautiful... Acapulco, MEXICO! (Applause)  Let's meet our three young beauties...and heeeeeeeeere they are! (Applause) Hot babe #~ is a part time student and a full time party machine! She likes guys, guys, guys....romantic excursions to Fornication Mountain, and full contact mud wrestling. She's the daughter of a Pentecostal preacher.. please welcome, Candy Lovelace! (Applause) Hot babe #2 says that she is a cheerleader by day...and a magician by night. She says she can turn ANY guys night into a magical evening of pleasure! Ah, isn't that special! Her hobbies are bar hopping, wet T-Shirt contests and getting a good beer buzz. Tonight, she's here in search of that perfect guy....please welcome, Buffie Buff!  (Applause) And finally, Hot babe #3 loves to sing, act and spend time with her family and friends.   She is the president of her local TRUE LOVE WAITS committee, with aspirations of becoming a wife and mother.. .but only after she meets the RIGHT guy. Besides singing and acting, she loves to sail, skydive and go to youth group. Here, just to fill in chair number three, please welcome, Mary Walker. (Just a touch of applause) And now, please welcome the host of The Mystery Dream Date Connection, the love doctor himself Johnny Ferrari! (Applause) (AF'TER TAPE FADES, PAUSE
UNTIL END OF SHOW) Johnny runs to stage, waving...
Johnny: Thank you Robbie Roberts! You've met our three beautiful contestants, now it's time to meet our, Mystery Dream Date Guy". He hails from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania... he's a teenage heart throb and the star of stage and screen, please welcome... .Toby Dillon! (Toby walks out shakes Johnny's hand and sits in his chair) Well, Toby.... there are three absolutely gorgeous females that desperately want to go out with you. Are you ready to meet them?
Toby: I sure am, Johnny! (Claps his hands and does the Arsenio chant--only in a classy way)
Johnny: OK, then. Hot babe #1. Say hello to Toby.
#1: (Acting VERY sexy) Hello there Toby, you big hunk of MAN! (Fans herself when done)
Johnny: OaaaaKaaaay. Hot babe #2. Would you please say hi to Toby.
#2: (Also acting VERY sexy--throws her hair back--speaks very breathy) I love you, Toby.
Johnny: Whoa! Things are heating up already! And finally, Hot babe #3, say hi to Toby.
#3: (Speaking very nice and normal) Hi Toby, it's nice to meet you! (The other girls laugh)
Johnny: Is everybody ready to throw a big kiss? (Starts to do it)
Producer: Uh, Johnny...that comes at the end of the show.
Johnny: Uh. . .oh, yea. Toby, I know you have a few very important questions to ask the ladies before deciding who will be your mystery dream date. Take it away!
Toby: Thanks, Johnny. (Reading off 3X5 cards) Hot babe #1. If at the end of our date, I told you that I was saving myself for marriage, what would you say?
#1: Well, first I would check your pulse to see if you were alive! Then I'd call 911, since you obviously would be suffering from some sort of major sickness. Then, I would put some of my patented, world famous love moves on you.. you would cry for mercy!
Toby: Thank you, #1. Hot babe #2. If we would fall in love and get married, what would life be like?
#2: First of all, we WILL fall in love, but we'll just live together for a while first, just to make sure that we're compatible. Then, each night we'd have a bigger party than the night before....you would introduce me to all of your Hollywood friends, and I would become a big star and then we could hire people to do all the dirty housework & stuff! Toby: (Shakes his head) Ok...Hot babe #3. Same question.
#3: Well, Toby, I couldn't marry you unless you believed the things that I believe in. But if you did, we would be equal partners in our marriage, with you being the head of our home. We would love each other with all of our hearts, and be faithful to each other and always want the best for each other. With you, me and God as a team, we can't go wrong!
Johnny: OK, is everybody ready to throw a big kiss? (Starts to do it)
Producer: Uh, Johnny.. that comes at the end of the show.
Johnny: Uh.. .oh, yea. Toby, you've heard our ladies answers, now it's time to decide...which one will be your Dream Date. Will it be Hot babe #1 (She acts flirty), Hot babe #2 (So does she), or Hot babe #3 (She still acts sweet)?
Toby: Johnny, I'm gonna have to go with Hot babe #3! (#1 & #2 freak out...so does Johnny)
Johnny: You've GOT to be kidding! Those were two of the hottest babes we've EVER had on this show. I know a million guys that would kill for a chance to even talk with one of them. WHAT would cause you to choose #3?
Toby: Johnny, I've seen everything, tried everything...I'm sick of the emptiness of the party life. I need someone REAL. A girl that I can trust and love. All my friends are lonely.. deep down inside.  Everything that Number 3 said was so real and honest.  (UNPAUSE AUDIO AND PLAY CLOSING MUSIC AND ANNOUNCER) Johnny: Well, there you have it folks. Now I've heard it all! (Disgusted) Come on out girls. They all come over. #1 & #2 start to hang all over Johnny. Toby and #3 walk slowly towards each other, meet half way, and each extend both hands to each other)
Producer: Psssst. Johnny! THROW THE KISS! THROW THE KISS! Toby & #3 walk offhand in hand)
Johnny: I don't wanna throw a kiss. My ratings are ruined now. This is the 5th game show I've lost in the past month. (Sobs)    
Sweet Nell Improv
 
Characters:  Narrator, Sweet Nell, Harvey Loverlips, Snidely Whiplash, Mother, Loveseat, Mirror, Rug, Door, Dog, Cat, 2 Audience Prompters
Narrator picks volunteers from the audience to act out the above parts.  She sets up the “human” furniture on stage.  As she reads the following script, the characters act it out.  The thing is to put the actors into awkward situations.  Give each actor time to do everything you describe, including their lines.  
(The cat is laying on the loveseat and the dog is laying on the rug.)  Once upon a time there was a girl named Sweet Nell.  One day she walked into her bedroom, petted her cat and pluncted down next to it heavily on the loveseat.  As she rested, her mom pushed open the door and said, “ Oh Sweet Nell, there’s someone here to see you.  I think you’ll like who it is!”  Sweet Nell’s face lit up because she thought it was Harvey Loverlips  (The audience prompters should hold up a sign with the word “Yeah!” on it to prompt the audience), who she adored (Sweet Nell sighs swooningly).  She said, “Just a minute!” and then went over to her mirror to primp herself up.  (Have the mirror imitate Sweet Nell’s actions)  Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.  Sweet Nell says, “Come in, honey!”  Snidely Whiplash (audience prompters hold up signs with “Boo!” to prompt the crowd) strides in the door and Sweet Nell gasps!  Snidely (Boo!) said, “Sweet Nell, please come out with me, for as you know I am the most handsome man in the entire area.”  Sweet Nell replied, “Never, not even if you were the last man on earth!  Get out of my room at once!”  The dog starts barking at Snidely (Boo), bites him and chases him out of the room.  Mother comes in and says, “Oh Sweet Nell, why don’t you go out with Snidely (Boo)?  He’s rich, suave, and good looking.”  Sweet Nell replies, “Because I just adore Harvey Loverlips (Yeah!).  Besides Snidely (Boo!) has a big nose!”  Mother shakes her head sadly.  Meanwhile, Harvey Loverlips (Yeah!) comes in.  He steps on the cats tail, trips over the rug, and falls against the loveseat, bonking his head.  He is knocked unconscious.  Sweet Nell rushes over to Harvey (Yeah!) and gushes, “Oh Harvey (Yeah!), I love you so much!”  At this point Harvey (Yeah!) wakes up and kisses Sweet Nell (pause) on her hand and says, “Sweet Nell, your swell!”  THE END    
Twisted Scriptures
Need a radical skit that deals with renewing your mind and hypocrisy? Here you go!
(David Letterhead is already at his desk on stage. At the proper time, the band comes out. They are dressed like heavy metal rockers. They can either have a Southern California, "hey dude" accent or a British accent. They apparently are a band that started out on the right track but sold out for fame and fortune, regardless of the consequences.)
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen. Live on our stage tonight, a band that is on the last leg of a 500 city world tour--a band that has over 50,000,000 album sales in their home state alone--a band that knows the true meaning of life as we know it. The band that puts the thump in Thursday and the fry in Friday in arenas all over the world...give it up for......Twisted Scriptures!  (The Band runs out on stage, waving and acting like rock starts...shake David Letterhead's hand)
DAVID: Uh...welcome gentlemen, it's good to have you here on the big show. Been busy I see!
BAND #1: That's right Dave. Rockin & Rollin across the planet! (They all chant and high five each other)  Party! Party! Party! (They all settle down, sit and fall asleep in their chairs)
DAVID: Uh...guys..guys! Hey, look, it's Madonna! (They all jump up at once)
BAND #2: What? Where? Who? Did somebody say ... Mamamamamadonna?
DAVID: Guys! It was a joke...a joke!
BAND #3: Don't EVER joke about Madonna, man. That's sacred ground, dig? (They all sit)
DAVID: (Chuckles) Yea, I DIG. (Chuckles again) Ok, let's get down to business fellas. Your new album, "More Twisted Scriptures", which by the way, is my all time favorite album, (laughs very quickly, like he couldn't hold it in, then coughs to cover it up) is really doing well. What gives?  
BAND #1: Well, Dave. You know there's a real spiritual revolution going on throughout the universe and we felt it was our duty, as ARTISTS, to commercially tap into what's going down. We've taken certain liberties with the text......hey, but no one listens to the words anyway!
DAVID: After hearing a few of the cuts, I wanted to ask if you guys were really Christians, or are you just using God as a good luck charm...you know...to try to sell more records?
BAND #2: David...I've never been more serious when I say that we are true believers in the Almighty big guy upstairs. We would never crossover into the Christian market just to tap into the millions and millions of Christian record buyers that buy anything that comes along. (They all quickly huddle together, laughing to themselves, then straighten up)
DAVID: Yeeeaaaaa. What exactly DO you guys believe? America wants to hear some of those famous nuggets of wisdom that you've become so famous for.
BAND #3: OK, here's one Dave. "If someone slaps you on one cheek, it would be better that a millstone be tied around his neck and be thrown into the deepest sea". Or, check this out. "Thou shalt not kill....unless someone REALLY gets you ticked off." (Acts proud of himself)
DAVID: That sounds pretty close to all out blasphemy, boys! I'm not a very religious kind of guy, but I don't think I'd be re-arranging the best selling book of all time!
BAND #1: Dave...you gotta lighten up! It's the 90's! You make your own rules, and then you live by 'em.  Like the good book says, "If you lust after a woman in your heart, it's the same as having sex with her, only you don't have to buy her dinner first!" (They all laugh) Or...this is a great one..our best selling T-Shirt..."Children obey your parents...NOT!" (They roll on the floor laughing like crazy..Dave is not laughing at all.)
DAVID: I thought on your earlier albums you guys used to preach about how the Word of God renews your mind and cleans out all the junk...not changing it all around to suit your own needs.
BAND #2: Hey, we didn't come on your show to be insulted, man! We've matured since our first few albums. We've seen the world...experienced life.....as it is written, "There's Faith, Hope and Charity, but the greatest of these...is..."hey, was Faith the greatest, or was it her sister Hope? No, I think it was their cousin...Charity...what a fox! (He says the last few sentences with a real party attitude.  They all start laughing and high fiving each other....again.)
DAVID: (Talking to the "home audience") Parents, lock up the kids...Twisted Scriptures is in town!  ladies and gentlemen...it's time to end the big show for tonight. But before we go, do you guys have anything to say...perhaps something that would help to recapture the hearts of a stunned America?
BAND#3: Listen, America. If you want to renew your mind, live a peaceful, happy life...if it's so important for yo to EXIST without fear or anger or stress...then GO AHEAD..do the Bible thing!  But if you wanna do your own thing, make your own rules, live and die by the code of rock and roll, then put that Bible back on the shelf and party down with Twisted Scriptures. We love you America!
DAVID: Don't forget to watch Twisted Scriptures, Wednesday night on ABC, when they will be hosting the 10th Annual Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll Achievement Awards. Good Night, everybody!
Vaseline Skit  
 
Characters: main actor, 3 hikers, the director
Props: You will need a lot of Vaseline
The scene opens up with the main character entering center stage tired from his long hike up the mountain.  He comments on how great the hike has been up the mountain.  Then the other three hikers come on stage and start complaining individually with no emotion about how their lips are chapped.  When they finish the main character pulls out a chapstick Vaseline and explains in a commercial voice,  “When my lips are chapped I reach for my Vaseline.”  At this point the director walks in and starts saying how the audience cannot see the Vaseline and that you need more Vaseline (as he hands him a bottle of Vaseline) and that you need the other hikers to be more chapped.  Then the scene starts over again only this time all the hikers are a little more tired and the three hikers show emotion about their chapped lips.  Then the main character says his line and takes a little Vaseline and spreads it over his lips.  The director says cut one more time and says that they need more Vaseline.  Try to get the audience to scream “More Vaseline, more Vaseline.”  He hands the main character another Vaseline bottle, so he now has two bottles.  Then the scene starts over again with the hikers overemphasizing their chapped lips and the hiker says his line and smears with two hands the Vaseline over his face.  The director says cut and says that the hiking scene is not doing it for him, so he wants to change the scenery to a desert.  The characters walk off.  He places a bottle of water and a huge bucket of Vaseline in the middle of the floor.  Only have the main character crawling on the floor onto the stage saying how chapped his lips are as he throws away the water and goes for the Vaseline bucket and places his whole head of Vaseline in the bucket and pulls it out with a huge smile on his face.  The director says cut and says that’s a wrap.  The director can also end the skit by saying they have been sold to a chocolate syrup corporation.       
We’se Chickens
 
Number of actors: 5-6
Number of minutes: 10-15
Props: Cross, Bible, and Rosary
Retreatants: junior high school, high school, college  
A person goes up like he/she is going to introduce the retreat and starts talking.  Then all of a sudden four people from the crowd get up and start acting like chickens.  They peck other people and cluck.  Then the speaker asks, “What are you?”   They answer, “We’se Chickens”  Then the speaker asks, “What makes you think you are chickens?”  Then one by one the chickens answer that they have been in a barn, laying on eggs, crowed at the sunrise, laid an egg, etc.  Then the speaker states, “Laying egg, crowing at the sunrise (etc.) does not make you chickens.”  The chickens answer in unison, “It doesn’t?”  The speaker answers, “It doesn’t!”  Then the chickens go off into their own little huddle and decide what to be next and decide to be airplanes.  While this is going on the speaker apologizes and continues to talk about the retreat.  Then the chickens break out like airplanes.  The speaker exclaims, “What are you now?”   They answer, “We’se airplanes!”  The speaker asks, “What makes you think you are airplanes?”  The crowd answers individually that they have excess baggage, hung out in a hanger, flew in WWII, or have a barf bag.  Then the speaker answers, “Just because you hung around a hanger, or flew in WWII, etc.  does not  mean you are airplanes.”  The crowd answers once again in unison, “It doesn’t?”  The speaker replies “It doesn’t!”  Then the airplanes go off and huddle together and discuss what they are going to be next and decide to be Christians, so they grab a Bible, a rosary, and the cross.  During this time the speaker apologizes once again and continues to talk about the retreat.  All of the sudden you have Christians.  One person singing “Amazing Grace” obnoxiously, another person saying they found this cross, another person praying the rosary, another person preaching the word with the Bible (Baptist Style) and you have another person healing people.  Then the speaker asks, “What are you now?”  The crowd answers, “We’se Christians!”  The speaker asks, “What makes you think you are Christians?”  The crowd answers individually, “I have the power to heal people, I am singing to Jesus, I am praising the word of our Lord Jesus Christ, I pray the rosary, I found this cross.”  The speaker interrupts and exclaims, “Just because you have the power to heal people and you are singing to Jesus, etc. does not make you Christians.”  They answer in unison, “It doesn’t?”  The speaker answers, “No, it doesn’t!  It is your personal relationship with Jesus that makes you Christian.”  The crowd answers together, “Oh!”